SMARTS 2011 Bio

Alright, it's been a while since I last utilized Blogspot, not sure why, it's a pretty up-to-date blogging system... if your computer still dials into the internet!

Just a few minutes ago, a colleague of mine made me aware of how awesome my bio for SMARTS 2011 was and while I agreed, I felt that it would only be fair if I shared the previously unreleased, raw and uncut version with the world. Enjoy!

Champion of the Universe and staple of the SMARTS Film/Video program since 2005, Preston Masterson has been working hard to expand the multimedia experience of SMARTS students everywhere since he first set foot in Brennan Middle School six years ago as a student himself. Utilizing a unique, caffeine-infused teaching method, Preston introduces students to not only the films themselves, but the popular culture surrounding them and their production, both past and present, in hopes to mould the ultimate filmmakers of the future. When he's not busy conducting his summer film sermons, Preston does freelance promotional design for various companies and rock 'n' roll bands in the New England area, as well as assistant direction for the Emmy nominated Midway Pictures' upcoming feature length documentary, What We Hate: The Story of Screeching Weasel, and plays bass for local rockabilly legends, The Heatsticks. While his title may only be 'film assistant', what Preston really wants to teach this summer is an important life lesson; that in art, you set your own standards, live by your own rules, and that practice doesn't make perfect, Preston does.

Wasn't that terrific? Don't you feel touched?

It's a Bash/Neutral Nation

Alright, so if you're into punk rock, Attleboro, having a good time, or having a good time in Attleboro while listening to punk rock, you should check out the upcoming film, It's a Bash! from the studio that brought you You Must Be This Tall: The Story of Rocky Point, Midway Pictures.

As a favor to my friend and mentor, the director, David Bettencourt, I have been doing a lot of design work for the promotional aspects of the aforementioned film. With that being said, here are a few things that I've completed so far...

Alright, so I designed this one over the summer as a post card. I don't really know if Dave ever ended up using it as a post card, so if it was never used, don't call me a liar, I designed it with the intent to use it...
Although it looks like it was a simple task of putting a title over an old photo of Mike on the mic, there were actually a lot of things I had to do to it before it could look at all appealing.
First off, the picture was really dim and Mike didn't stand out too well against the background, which wasn't anything hard to fix, so that shouldn't even be counted in my bitching. Second, there were a bunch of stage lights in the background, one of which was burning away the top of Mike's head, so those had to go, but since the picture was too awesome as a grainy, old looking photo, I had to make sure no one could see that there had been anything there in the first place. Third, there were a number of drum mics hanging around in the background, so I had to take them out, so they wouldn't take focus away from Mike, and so they would make the drums seem like they were able to fill whole venues without being mic'ed. Fourth, the picture wasn't cropped or scanned in favor of a postcard or flier, or anything that resembled a rectangle, so I had to extend a few of the edges to make it look like it look as natural as a picture of a punk rock front man could look. Fifth, well, there really was no fifth step in fixing the picture, but whatever.


So, this next one is a lot better than the first one, which is probably why we're using this (and designs related to this) as a way to promote the film's premiere at Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel in Providence on April 30th. This took considerably less work because the picture was already in beautiful condition for an old school hardcore punk rock flier looking thing. In fact, I'm pretty sure I spent more time making the paper-like elements look torn than on the picture itself! If you're a fan of Neutral Nation or are at least familiar with their album, It's a Bash, then you'll probably recognize a few elements in the picture. First off, the title itself is a recreation of the title on the original album cover, made to look like it had seen hell in its day (or at least like a band listing on a classic Xeroxed flier), which I hope at least someone appreciates and recognized even without my mention... Second, the URL for the movie's website is in the same font and coloration as the band's name was on the album cover, which I personally dig, haha.

But regardless of all this sweet stuff I've done for the movie, it's nothing in comparison to the sweet stuff in store for anyone who goes to see the movie on April 30th at Lupo's!

More soon, but until then, fuck you.

Scalpel Logo Update: 10/20/2009, Pt. 2

Here's a rough colorized version of the gruesome work in progress that is known as the NEW Scalpel logo.

Chris Hickman is still the main designer, I'm still just the tracer, haha

Scalpel Logo Preview

Here's the rough layout of the new Scalpel logo, drawn by Chris Hickman and soon to be mutated and disgustified by me. Yes, I understand it says "Scalpe", that's because we're working on the final "L", so hang in there, it'll be finished soon.

George's Galaxy, My Word

...These tracks are side by side. Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers.

-Ben Kenobi, Star Wars (1977)

It's funny, I didn't expect much out of the new Star Wars film, seeing as it wasn't a film at all, but I expected it to further explain or connect items in the Star Wars universe that may have been left out or forgotten when Lucas made the horrendous prequel trilogy. Instead, I found myself trapped in a theatre between a bunch of cute little "american dream" type families and a TV show taht wouldn't go to commercial, a TV show that was barely a Star Wars film even in name, a film where they leave out facts that are directly stated in the films that gave Lucasfilm Ltd. a spot in movie history.

I spent an hour and forty-five minutes watching a film that showed Tusken Raiders riding upon their Banthas in unorganized herds. Jesus fucking Christ, if they're gonna even use the Tusken Raider war cry along with a visual of them traveling the dune sea of Tatooine, they should at least one of the two facts that were used to determine whether or not they attacked the Jawas in A New Hope. Even my fuckin' mom who last saw Star Wars on a date back in '77 remembered that line.

Another very, very disturbing part was Obi-Wan's use of a hostage in order to avoid enemy fire. What the fuck is that? I know for sure it can't be the Jedi way. I understand you can use the Force and whatever else in order to defend yourself, but a hostage situation is something that is expected from a Sith, something that would be seen as "dark" in the eyes of the Jedi. But no, he puts a guy in a choke hold and uses him as a fuckin' shield.

I liked the part when George Lucas decided to throw away any other possible conflict to use Jabba the Hutt as the main plot device. Return of the Jedi was a great film, and it used the Hutt well. But its been 25 years since it came out, and Lucas and his buddy-buddy writers have developed Jabba further and presented him as a nearly asexual being who has a unique fetish for humanoid girls (i.e. Princess Leia and the various Twi'lek dancers in his palace to name a few). This basically eliminates any chance of being able to produce offspring. But yet, come this interquel, he was able to father a son (who is never named in the film, instead, he is only referred to as "Jabba's son").

But seriously, the BEST fucking part was at the end, after the audience had spent an hour and a half watching Anakin flirt with his new apprentice (yea, that's right, he somehow got an apprentice while still being under the guidance of Master Kenobi, but I'll get to that later) and struggle to save Jabba's son from Ventress (a character introduced in the first Clone Wars TV show on Cartoon Network who hasn't been mentioned anywhere else), Padme comes along, out of nowhere, and (feminists rejoice!) saves the day and is the ultimate hero. This completely throws off anyone who was able to follow the paper thin plot from start to ten minutes left of the movie. Oddly enough, for the short amount of time that she and Threepio are in the film, they are the only characters who look like realistic depictions of their live-action selves. Also, if my ears served me right, they were also the only characters to have been voiced by the original actors who played them in teh first place.

Overall though, besides all the plot holes and continuity errors, the movie did what it was supposed to do: make mon... I mean, introduce the world to the new part of the Star Wars extended universe. I certainly wouldn't pay to see it again, but that's how I was with the Prequel Trilogy, so I'm sure once it comes out on DVD, I'll find a friend who's dumb enough to rent it and I'll rip it to my iTunes library, so it can sit among the other films taken from the Journal of the Whills.

Fuck you.

Disaster Movie

Okay, so last week, as I was logging into everyone's favorite social networking site, my neighbor's internet dropped me as it frequently does, and I was given the chance to look at all the lame ads and shit that they cover their login page with. That day's theme happened to be another movie that I'm sure paid them hefty loads of cash to plaster the site with flash vids galore. The movie was Disaster Movie, apparently another movie by the same daft shits that continued the Scary Movie franchise long after the Wayans brothers realized the monster they created.

It's rather ironic that they would name their movie Disaster Movie, seeing as they probably just started making that one the week they started editing Meet the Spartans and had no idea as to how much of a critical disaster it was going to be.

I personally think that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Sletzer could definitely be considered for the title of "most unoriginal human beings on Earth."

I understand that it takes effort and time to create a movie, I myself have been involved in film making for a few years, so I can see where anyone who would want to defend them would be coming from, but seriously, if the only thing you can write is a parody, you should probably stick to making your own commentary on a blog like this.

It'd be one thing if the jokes were well thought out and well delivered, but from what I have seen of their "films", they're just the stupid jokes that I would make walking out of the theatre after seeing a bad movie like The Ring or Hulk, jokes that I would probably make once, get a few laughs, and move onto more intelligent conversation like where to eat or what movie am I looking forward to seeing next.

I certainly do not plan to waste money, time, or kb/s on any of the Scary Movie spinoffs, in fact, the only thing I plan to waste my time on doing is carefully typing up a blog from the comfort of my computer chair, because I don't have a life, so I spend my time attempting to ruin others.

Fuck you.

the beginning

this is the first post of my latest bright idea, i plan to use this to let you know about how cynical i am and that I'm someone that you can bitch about to all of your friends.

lucky for you, the internet has tons of interesting websites that can keep your mind off of reality. so you have no reason to continue with reading my blog if you don't like my skewed outlook on life.

to put it bluntly, i don't really care about what you have to say about my shit, so if you plan to bitch, just stop reading.